Realistic Confessions

Hello fellow survivors.

The fact is some days that’s exactly how I feel.  Like a survivor.  If you read my Facebook posts, talk to me or in any way observe my life you would think I have it all together.  News flash!!!! This mama is regularly falling apart.

I live a reality that I have chosen to embrace.  I am a stay at home Mom and I LOVE it.  As a retired workaholic, getting to spend time with my son and husband is a blessing that I never thought I would experience.  I am looking forward to having foster kids to spend time with and love on, too.  We live modestly, after feeling called to down size from a 3 bedroom 2 bath house, to a 2 bedroom 1 bath apartment.  We sold or gave away a lot of things and yet somehow my apartment is still cluttered at times.  We are looking forward to building/buying a house in the Downtown Southside and having a lot of room for more kids.  My husband has been at the same job for 10+ years and we are so very thankful for the provision and stability that provides.  I am working with Arbonne, a direct sales health and wellness company.  I love the products!  I’m excited about my future!  I’m busy all the time.  I spend my spare time working out, cooking and doing different crafty projects.  My only real complaint in life is that I have a degenerative disc in my lower back that does not want to heal.

So here it is fellow survivors.  While I am in love with the life that I have been given and everything above is completely true I:

  • Am horrible at being a stay at home Mom.  Because of my back I have all kinds of reasons to not clean my house, do the dishes (that bottom rack is really far away) and leave the laundry in the washer and drier (I mean seriously why would they build them so you have to lean over?)
  • When my son is home from school we either A.) Do chores, do homework and then do our own thing (he’s a tween there’s not much he wants to do with me) B). Do chores, one or both of us lose patience with the homework, decide to put it off until Dad comes home and do our own thing.  C). Do chores, pretend there is no homework and do our own thing.  The reality is that I missed the years of him wanting to do things with me and wanting me around all the time.
  • While I’m a retired workaholic I miss it like crazy.  It takes everything in me not to take a job in the legal field again.  I’ve even considered a retail job just so I can be around people and be good at something.
  • I desperately want a house for 1,000 different reasons.  The largest of which are: we have no space, we live on the third floor (did I mention my bad back), we want to be able to offer a home to foster kids and I feel like as long as I’m in an apartment I’m in transition.
  • I would love to build the house downtown on the South Side but the reality is that it costs way more than we can afford on Seth’s salary alone.
  • My husband’s job is fantastic and we hope and pray that it will stay that way.  With the economy the way it is there really is no telling if something will fall through there.
  • I love Arbonne.  I love the products.  On our income I have trouble even keeping the products in the house.  I have a number of different food sensitivities that make it very difficult to eat “normal” food so Arbonne nutrition products are a perfect fit for me.
  • While I started off strong with Arbonne I didn’t understand what I was doing or how to do it.  Now that I do understand I’m building my business from the ground up.  For some reason that I do not understand while I have talked to a number of people about Arbonne no one is at all interested in the products, hosting a demo or taking a peek at the business.  They are all: too busy, not good at sales and not interested.  I get it.  I worried about those things too.  The fact is that I found time even when I was working.  I’m not selling things; I’m educating people about the products they use.  And not being interested is a lot like turning your back on your dreams.
  • This month while I’ve had one fantastic client.  I haven’t “sold” any Arbonne products.  I planned to be at the next level of Arbonne by tomorrow and without God intervening somehow it’s not going to happen.
  • I lose faith in my dreams daily, I have to refocus my mind on the fact that none of this is up to me.  That where God guides he provides and he will provide for us.
  • All my friends and family who are buying products at the store like: shampoo, conditioner, mousse, hair spray, baby wash, makeup, nutrition products (I could keep going but it seems over kill).  They could be buying form me.  Arbonne doesn’t pay super models, we use our own consultants for all the product literature.  So what you pay for is a fantastic product that is safe to use.  Instead of buying another beach house for some super model,  Arbonne passes that savings directly to the client.

I guess in the end, what I’m trying to say is, my life isn’t perfect either.  I choose to dream, I choose to be happy and I choose to have faith in a God who is never changing, always the same and there is nothing that He can’t do.  So yes there are times that I feel like I’m just another survivor.  Then God sends along a message in church, straight from His word thousands of years ago that was meant for me to hear right now:

What, then shall we say in response to these things?  If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare His own Son, but gave Him up for us all–how will he not also, along with him, graciously give us all things?  Who will bring any charge against those whom God has chosen?  It is God who justifies.  Who then is the one who condemns?  No one.  Chris Jesus who died–more than that, who was raised to life–is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.  Who shall separate us from the love of Christ?  Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword?  As it is written:

“For your sake we face death all day long;
    we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.”

No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.  For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

So no I’m not a Survivor.

I’m a Conqueror!!!

 

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