Just under two years ago I had to ask myself a very serious question: what is my sanity worth?
I was working a high stress job, 60+ hours a week and my marriage was on the rocks. I made a decent salary, my job “made a difference” in the world, I worked with my best friend and I was really, really good at it. It was after an explosive round of “who can destroy your marriage first” that I was driving with tears pouring down my face and I decided my sanity was worth everything.
Fast forward five months later…
I had quit my job, I was officially at stay at home mom, and our marriage was on the mend. I think that’s when I realized, “Oh no. I think the real problem is me.” I had been working so hard, blaming everyone else for any problem and the real problem was me. Something was wrong. Those depression episodes, nearly suicidal depression episodes, hadn’t gone away. I didn’t have any friends. My house was not magically clean. There was no miraculous change from my over weight body to a hot sexy fit body. I thought the world was supposed to just be rainbows and butterflies. I did what I had to do. I said “my sanity was worth it” and I gave everything up.
If you have experienced this you know exactly where I am going. I hope that your “holy shift” will take place right here, reading this article, I promise it will be a lot easier if it does. I had more of a nudge. My friend and business sponsor got me reading self help books. I know, I really did roll my eyes in the back of my head too. In the interest of time I elected to listen to this dubious collection of self help books on Audible as I ran. That’s when it started. Concepts like: fear, vulnerability and my power source leaped into my head, as I huffed and puffed the mile up the road and back. 12 months earlier if you had asked me, or anyone, what I was scared of they would have laughed at you. Vulnerability was a bad word. I would have said my power source was God, not realize that I had forgotten to plug myself in. It was time to get serious.
So I reluctantly found a psychologist. Set up my first appointment and did my best to schedule something at the same time so I would have to cancel. I was not surprised to find out that the best “tool” that my psychologist had was more books. Don’t get me wrong she helped me a lot in our appointments, but the “holy shift” happened by myself reading a book.
So I’m going to ask you once more: what is your sanity worth? Is it worth sucking it up, ordering some self help books off Amazon (so no one sees you in the self help section at Barnes & Nobel) and taking the time to work on yourself? I’m going to leave you with a list of books that have changed my life. If you are serious about your sanity I suggest you find the one that’s title jumps out at you (and doesn’t make you gag) and get to work.
CoDependent No More – Melody Beattie
… just to name a few.